Now first of all, I am not against clubbing. I enjoy it.
Don’t we all? But why? Yeah, you can say that it’s to have a good time with
your friends and relax. Or maybe you want to try and pull. You might even want
to show off all the work you put in watching YouTube videos on how to shuffle.
However, just take a step back and consider it from a sober point of view.
So pre-drinks have finished, you’ve got out of the taxi and
now you are going to wait up to 30 minutes in the queue outside the club, and
lets face it, it’s England so it’s going to be raining. When you finally get to
the front you give your ID to the bouncer and try your hardest to look natural
even though the alcohol you consumed an hour ago has probably mostly worn off
by now. You now pay to go into a sweaty,
cramped and most likely smelly room with music that is so loud you can’t even
hear someone scream into your ear about the huge queue at the bar.
That’s where you’re heading now. Waiting for 15 minutes
tactically weaving between people to get to the bar, waving your money about
like you’re trying to swat a fly just to get the attention of the bar worker
who has probably seen the flapping fiver and knows exactly who to serve last.
When you’ve finally paid £4 for a watered down drink, tiptoed around the other
people queueing trying not to spill the precious nectar in your plastic cup and
located the rest of the squad you instantly regret breaking the seal so early
on in pre-drinks.
Next stop is the toilet. The club loo deserves its own
paragraph as it is such a massive oversight yet is an important part of
anyone’s night out. You have to navigate a pool of unidentifiable liquid and
broken glass to get to a cubicle with a door that doesn’t lock. Then you go to
wash your hands only to get pestered by the man who’s job it is to say things
along the lines of “No spray, no lay” while attacking you with Paco Rabanne One Million. In a midst of panic and awkwardness you
accidentally give him your taxi fare home and dart out of the toilets back to
safety where you can regroup and dance the night away to the likes of OMI’s
Cheerleader and will.i.am’s It’s My Birthday.
Despite all that, thousands of us all go out sometimes up to
three times a week and spend our hard earned cash or student loan (or should
that be the student bank account’s massive overdraft!) and manage to make it
“the best night ever” every night. People have different reasons to go
clubbing. Being with friends, pulling or showing the club your top class dance
moves. Personally I love to be able to sing, shout and scream to every song regardless
of whether or not I know the words safe in the knowledge that the people around
me will have no idea of how bad a singer I am. When I’m in the club I feel like
I should apply to audition on the X-Factor with my perfect performance of Mr
Brightside by Tom Garnett feat. Two double vodka cokes and a tequila shot. My
voice in the morning tells me otherwise!
I know this won’t stop anyone going to clubs and it
definitely won’t stop me. I love nothing more than to hang out with friends,
have a good time and forget for a few hours about that lab report that needs
doing. As I said at the start, I’m not against clubbing. I just stopped for a
moment and thought about it. It’s a funny old thing. For years to come we’ll be
dancing, singing and frantically checking Facebook in the morning hoping we don’t
look awful in the club photos.
